I’ll be 60 this year and I had to look it up online to be sure that’s still midlife. Good news, Wikipedia says I’ve got another five years.
It’s hard to know where to begin and I’m all angsty about being perfect, but I’m taking a leap and trusting the net will appear.
It’s January 2025 and here’s my starter goal:
I want to spend this year becoming my favorite version of myself and I want to do it with other women who want the same.
Why? Because the "try hard" version of me is exhausted. (And let's face it, if trying hard was going to work, it would have by now.)
For a whole year, I’m going to share what I’m living, loving and learning about becoming a gentler woman who bends towards femininity, but without all the toxic cultural baggage attached to it. That’s the version sounds divine.
Three Commitments to a Gentler Life
1. Being intentionally more loving to myself.
Last year I slipped the ice and broke my wrist.
While avoiding surgery, I had to wear a brace for 6 weeks. My immediate response? A very masculine "Carry On Warrior" attitude. Carry heavy boxes? No problem. Lift my suitcase into the overhead? I got this.
About a week after the fall, I found myself barking orders at my broken body to get dressed for the gym. It was the dead of winter—I was cold, exhausted, and mentally drained. As I gathered my gym clothes, I felt my whole body shutting down. Seconds before pushing myself out the door, a soft thought emerged: Renee, your body is literally broken.
I don't know what was driving me that day, only that it wasn't loving or kind. This year, I'm not going to rush through my own care. I'm choosing to practice loving kindness towards myself instead.
2. Being Committed to My Enduring Wellbeing
As an empath and highly sensitive person, codependency and lack of boundaries are my spirit animals. I'm wired to prioritize harmony in relationships over harmony with myself.
Being committed to my wellbeing means learning what delights me and doing more of it. It means trying things I haven't tried before:
Getting a massage
Going back to therapy
Trying restorative yoga
Experimenting with sound healing
I've just ordered Terri Cole's new book Too Much: A Guide to Breaking the Cycle of High-Functioning Codependency to help keep me on track.
3. Becoming an Energetic Match for the Life I Say I Want
I'm new to energy work—this isn't something they teach you when you grow up Methodist. The first step I took in becoming an energetic match for the life I say I want was to get really clear on what that life looks like.
Tara Mohr, expert on women's leadership and author of Playing Big: Practical Wisdom for Women Who Want to Speak Up offers a powerful meditation called the Inner Mentor Visualization that helps you meet your future self. If you've got 20 minutes, it's worth exploring. (Pro Tip: If you have trouble sitting still and quieting your mind/body, start around minute 9)
This year is about waking up every morning and mentally rehearsing the life I want to live, then finding small ways to start living that life now.
And if you don't know exactly what life you want? That's okay—just stretch in the general direction. You may not be able to put a pin in the map, but let this be a year of letting your internal compass guide the way.