🎉I’m a New Year’s junkie, but you will never find me at a party because:
a) I’m a raging introvert
b) I’m way too busy dotting the i's on my list of resolutions
This year is no different except that I’ll be 60 in April and after six decades of trying really hard at life, I’ve decided to usher in what I’m calling my “Gentle Era”.
What exactly is a Gentle Era?
Right now, it’s a definition in progress. I’m going to let it evolve over time and discussions this year - hopefully with you.
I know it’s about feeling good in my body, seeing the humanity in people and accepting life’s complexities as a woman in the middle of them. It involves moving through the year gently, with subtle shifts of practicing what feels right for me instead of constantly pushing myself for dramatic overhauls.
In other words, transformation is so 2024.
Unlike years past, instead of furiously scribbling formal resolutions, I’m borrowing powerful mantras from 3 wise women who delivered their own version of gold, frankincense, and myrrh this year.
Sheri Salata, Mel Robbins and Kelly Corrigan are reliable guides for those of us clawing our way through midlife. (If I had an advisory board, they’d be on it. If they had a therapy couch, I’d be on it.)
Here’s what I’ll be saying on repeat this year…
1: Maybe
Sheri Salata, author of The Beautiful No leads a weekday morning meditation where she introduced the revolutionary practice of softening our resistance to life with the practice of saying “maybe”.
It’s become my new favorite thing. As far as I’m concerned, it should be added to the short list of polite things to say: Please. Thank you. Maybe.
Think about all the rigid language you use with yourself:
I’ll never try online dating.
I can’t change careers now.
I won’t ever be able to afford that.
Ick. I’m done with crusty layers.
Saying “maybe” is a very different energy than the rigidity that’s peppered with I can’t, I won’t and I’ll never. It’s a gentle softening to possibilities. It turns black and white absolutes into multicolored options. If you say it with a shrug, it works even better. Pepper it with a hint of doubt and it works great on your kids.
2: Let them
A moment at her son's prom sparked author Mel Robbins realization about the power of two short words: “let them”. Instead of managing everyone else's reactions and choices, Robbins offers a simpler way:
In essence, stop wasting your life on things and people you can’t control. Her new book, The Let Them Theory: A Life-Changing Tool That Millions of People Can't Stop Talking About, pairs brilliantly with my Gentle Era. Let them is my anti-battle cry for 2025. You do you, sweet pea. I’ll do me.
3. Tell Me More
Kelly Corrigan has often been hailed as the Poet Laureate of the Ordinary, but that’s a lie. She’s the extraordinary author of the book, Tell Me More: Stories About the 12 Hardest Things I'm Learning to Say. In it, Corrigan talks about the profound power of learning to say, “Tell me more” a way to have better relationships with the ones we love.
It’s the opposite of manhandling relationships. It’s metaphorically sitting on your hands when you desperately want to lend one. It’s showing up with less command and more compassion.
“Tell me more” is a way to make people feel seen and safe when telling their stories. In my Gentle Era, I’m trying to ask better questions instead of constantly doling out answers, which means practicing saying these things more:
Go on.
What else?
Is that all?
So there you have it. Three Gems for a Gentler Era:
Maybe. Let them. Tell me more.
Simple words that create subtle shifts. Nothing fancy or dramatic - just small adjustments that might make life feel a teensy bit better.
I'll be exploring what it means to live in my Gentle Era all year, and I'd love to hear what resonates with you.
Which of these phrases might find its way into your own conversations?
P.S. If you know someone who might appreciate a gentler approach to this New Year, feel free to share this letter with them.