In a television interview after her mother died, Wynonna Judd asked a rhetorical question: “Can you learn to love the things you wish had never happened?”
Damn. That was a year ago and I’ve been thinking about her question ever since.
As women in midlife, many of us carry our regrets like a backpack full of bricks—heavy, burdensome, and full of self-loathing at the ones we added ourselves.
Learn to love them? That feels like too much to ask.
But maybe we can pose a gentler question: Can we accept that mistakes and regrets are part of an ordinary life?
Poet Marie Rania Wilke answered the question a century ago:
Here are 3 tender lessons on how to let go and learn to live with the things you can’t take back.
Lesson #1: Claim Them as Yours
Cheryl Strayed, author of "Wild," speaks about being in your 50s with a kind of reverence that only comes from deep acceptance. Her most profound lesson? Claiming all of it.
Its saying how wild it is to let all of the things that are true about my life, the pretty things and the ugly things, the hard things and the easy things, how to let them all be true and claim them as mine.” — Cheryl Strayed
Lesson #2: Stare It Down
Katherine May, in her transformative book, Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times reminds us that sometimes retreat is necessary for repair. She introduces us to the concept of "wintering"—those dark phases when life asks us to pause and heal.
“It is the courage to stare down the worst parts of our experience, and to commit to healing them the best we can.”
Life isn’t always up and to the right. Sometimes you have to sit in the valley with your backpack of regret until you’re strong enough to start climbing again - and do the best you can.
Lesson 3: Stop Cringing and Pursue Compassion
Sarah Jakes Roberts, who became a mother at 14, offers perhaps the most powerful insight: You can't punish yourself and heal at the same time. She shares:
For me, I had to sit with myself until I no longer cringed. I had to sit with myself until I no longer felt shame. I had to sit with myself until I could experience compassion where I once felt guilt.
And from that place of compassion, I learned to love who I am. This is my story.
Roberts, author of Power Moves, believes it’s not too late to become the version of yourself you still hope to be.
Deeper Exploration
If you want to hear more of these conversations, here ya’ go!
Listen Now:
🎙️My So-Called Midlife: Embracing Your Crone Age with Cheryl Strayed
🎙️Pulling The Thread with Elise Loehnen: Wintering With Our Feelings
🎙️Mel Robbins: How to Create a New Version of Yourself
🌟 Rilke wrote in "Letters to a Young Poet," we must "learn to love the questions themselves”. Perhaps Naomi Judd's question isn't meant to be answered but rather lived.
Thanks for reading Gentle Nudges by Renee Wood! Know someone who may need this post? Feel free to share it. 🤍