🎧 Prefer to listen?
I had a hard conversation with one of my girls over the holidays.
She went home 5 days ago and we haven’t spoken since.
It's weird for me not to reach out to her. Until now, I always have.
I’m a social worker, Enneagram 4, INFJ—call it what you will— but relationships are my jam and I'm a junkie for improving them.
But I just can’t fix this.
I knew what we were arguing about (how she was going to get a new phone) was not the thing we were really arguing about (her choosing “team dad” after he and I divorced).
I know why she’s still holding a grudge against me and even though she’s said she’s forgiven me, her actions say otherwise. And I just can’t chase her down anymore because here’s the thing:
I’ve finally forgiven me.
On December 23, right when I was about to hammer out my New Year’s resolutions, I got an email from Jason Feifer’s and he said he was giving the new year a “theme” and said,
So I did. My theme for 2026 is:
Forgive yourself. For all of it.
Nothing I’ve done deserves a life sentence and if we’re really being honest with each other, I’ve served my time.
“You will come to know things that can only be known with the wisdom of age and the grace of years.
Most of those things will have to do with forgiveness.”
Nadia Weber Boltz preaches that we should “Forgive Assholes” so I decided to start by forgiving the asshole in my head. That bully of a voice that keeps telling me I haven’t suffered long enough to prove I’ve changed.
The voice that wants me to confuse living with guilt for living with integrity. And tells me that if I feel bad enough for long enough, eventually I’ll feel good.
(✋ Anyone else ever feel that way?)
Maybe you’re like me and you’ve kept yourself pinned to the mat for a mistake you made years ago.
If so, here’s what I know for sure:
You’ve done enough time. Walk around the bars you raised and choose freedom for yourself. Here’s how:
✅Tell the truth to yourself.
✅Name what happened.
✅Name who it hurt.
✅Be real about your regret
✅Forgive yourself.
You can love who you’ve become without hating who you were.
I have never been a terrible person. At 60, I get to say that. I have a truckload of receipts to prove how good I’ve been.
But good isn’t the goal of my life anymore.
Freedom is.
🧠 A few gathered thoughts
Taken me years to learn what Liz Gilbert elaborates so beautifully here.
It’s a little humbling that this young man understands the kind of relationship I have with my adult daughters in 2026. I want to be a lighthouse, not a rescue boat.
📖 What I underlined
“What if I forgave myself? I thought. What if I forgave myself even though I'd done something I shouldn't have? What if I was a liar and a cheat and there was no excuse for what I'd done other than because it was what I wanted and needed to do?
❓ A question for you
Do you deserve to be free of something from your past that you can’t change? How would it feel to decide your contract with self-punishment was over?
Warmly,
