I apologized to ChatGPT last night.
I was trying to figure out how to punctuate a quote, and typed: "I'm sorry to keep asking, but can you help with this?"
(If you “reflex-sorry” too, I left 10 simple swaps at the bottom for you to steal.)
ChatGPT had no idea what to do with my reflex apology, so it just replied: "You're not 'sorry to keep asking.'"
I’m not sure if it was being kind—or a little passive aggressive. Hard to tell with AI these days.
So, I naturally typed back, “Why do women over apologize?”
Well, that’s ridiculous.
Except it’s not—because at Trader Joe’s two days ago another woman turned her cart down the aisle I was in—and I looked up and said, "Oh, I'm sorry."
There was plenty of room for two carts, but still I apologized for NOT being in her way.
I know I’m not the only one who struggles with this. A lot of us were trained early: be pleasant, be agreeable, be “good.”
Here's what I'm practicing instead: flexing my soft power by becoming an intentional apologizer. Saving “I’m sorry” for the times I really am and swapping out better statements when I’m not.
Here's what that sounds like in real life:
📝Reflex-”Sorry” to ”Not Sorry” Swaps
I’m sorry to bother you. → Do you have a minute?
Sorry for the long email. → Thanks for reading this.
I’m sorry, but I can’t. → That doesn’t work for me.
Sorry to interrupt. → I’d like to add something.
I’m sorry to disagree. → I see it differently.
Sorry, I have a question. → I have a question.
I’m sorry if I upset you. → I didn’t mean to upset you.
Sorry to keep asking. → I need clarity on this.
I’m sorry, I can’t because… → No, that won’t work.
Sorry for taking up so much time. → I appreciate your time.
🧠 A Few Gathered Things I Underlined, Listened to or Loved
If you’re surprised by how hard ordinary life still feels, here’s one thing happier women have that’s worth stealing.
I have no idea how this Instagram post found me, but when she started talking about being a woman who knows her medicines and poisons, I knew she found me for a reason. (Also, any woman who can pull off those glasses deserves a look & listen)
Four years ago, when my marriage finally irrevocably unraveled, I felt a soft power flex when I read this in Laura Munson’s book: This Is Not The Story You Think It Is:
“Because whether or not he comes back to me, I will be ultimately empowered by my commitment not to suffer.”
❓ A question for you
Pay attention today and tell me the first reflex-apology you catch yourself making. I'm genuinely curious.
Warmly,
